I can tell you why the divorce rate is so high. It takes no special skill or super think tank to figure it out. We have become a country full of junkies. It doesn’t matter what we fiend for: from crack to the next sexual encounter, the routine is the same.
As a society we do not seek to earn anything anymore. We have been conditioned to believe that everything is our right, nothing need be earned, and if something isn’t making us “happy” (aka “high”) anymore, find something else that does.
It is the same thing with love. Once again…we are a country full of junkies.
At some point every “junkie” comes down and that seems to be where we all lose our footing, stumble and fall not knowing how to survive the low, and end a relationship in search of the next high.
What ever happened to “…for better or for worse…”, commitment, or giving the relationship a chance to mature? Hell, we give our finances and alcohol more of a chance to fully develop. Like most things worth having, they have to be earned. If you want a deep, rich, intensely meaningful relationship, you must be willing to endure the highs and lows of the game.
You wouldn’t cash in a CD prematurely only to get back less than what you put in because of penalties (OK some might in this economy but that is not my point)? Better still, the following is a brilliant description of ‘How Long Must A Sherry Mature’ when used as a metaphor for successful relationships (Blurt It http://www.blurtit.com/):
“To be worthy of the name sherry the wine must mature in wood barrels for a minimum of three years. However, the finest sherries are aged for much longer than that. For example a true amontillado is only created if a fino sherry is left for longer than six years in its barrel. This is because a fino acquires its flavour from an unusual yeast called flor which dies after around six years. Amontillado sherry is the delicious after life of this weird yeast which blankets the fino sherry and creates the special flavour of a fino. During maturation sherries are blended slowly is what is known as the “solera” system. This means that barrels are not completely drained but as some of the contents are removed for blending new wine is sometimes introduced. In this way a fino can also be in the barrel for longer as new wine brings the nutrients the flor needs to stay alive.”
Nobody is above the devastation that can come from prematurely ending a promising relationship in search of perfection. Perfection only comes from years of harmonizing imperfections into a workable balance that can be passed down to generations in the form of wisdom. My parents have been married 40+ years, through the best and worst of times. When and if I decide to marry I want to be able to say the same.
I don’t have all of the detailed “whys” and “what-fors” of relationships, but I know the endgame and I have the fundamental “hows” of getting there. I am still working on what works for me and why so that I can yield the greatest success for my efforts. You are more than welcome to join me on my pilgrimage. I hope to inspire some to become aficionados in their own relationships. I welcome comments and nuggets of wisdom from others…
In this section I highlight the relationships that have impacted my perspective. I also have a Support page with helpful links for those who are trying to “hold it together”. The amount of support offered by today’s society is something like trying to sustain the weight of an elephant on a toothpick.